The big update is...Little A is a Big Brother! (sorry we are 6 months late on the news--adjusting to being a family of 4!)
On March 14, 2023, Little A was promoted to Big Brother A. He is so in love with Baby S. The journey to Baby S was longer than we wished and full of anxiety. He is worth all of that and we can confidently say he does not have Treacher Collins Syndrome like his Big Brother.
To backtrack a moment, when we first told Little A he was going to be a big brother, he was so excited! He would talk and sing to my belly sometimes. He would impatiently ask when he is coming out. For Hanukkah we had gotten him a doll to practice being a big brother. For a few days he took very good care of her. He had us put his extra BAHA headband on the doll since she had little ears like him. One day as we were leaving grandma’s house, he left the doll on the couch, turned to grandma and said “I am too tired, you take care of her grandma”. I quickly knew he would have days where he was really interested in the baby and other days where he just needed his space. All would be normal feelings. Little A helped grandma and dada paint the baby’s bedroom. He helped Pop-Pop put together his new bedroom furniture as he somewhat willingly allowed us to give the baby the old furniture.
On Monday March 13th I had a few sporadic contractions throughout the day, but we didn’t mention anything to Little A. Late that evening while sleeping my water broke. I called Grandma to come over and we left feeling a lot of emotions. I was worried about Little A waking up and us not being there and then not seeing him for a couple of days. According to grandma, he woke a little while after we left and was looking for me. It took her 2 hours to get him back to sleep because he was already feeling all kinds of emotions. On March 14 at 6:45pm, Little A was officially a big brother and wanted so bad to come see us right then. Unfortunately the hospital we delivered at did not allow little kids to visit--partially because they had not changed their policy after covid yet and partially because kids were not allowed during flu/rsv season (october-march). As much as I was filled with love and excitement with this new little guy in my arms, I felt sadness that my big little guy wasn’t with us. I am not sure who it was harder on me or Little A being at the hospital for so long. By long I mean from Tuesday to Thursday morning. Time was ticking by so slowly. We were texting grandma for updates on Little A and he was getting all of the attention he needed. He proudly wore a big brother shirt to school on that Wednesday (picture below). On Thursday March 16, we video chatted before he went off to school and we both ended up crying from missing each other so much. I told him to have a great day at school and we would be home waiting for big hugs when he gets home. When the baby nurses came in and gave Baby S the all clear to go home, they told us discharge happens between 11am and 3pm and asked when we wanted to go. Jeff quickly said ASAP because he could tell I did not want to be there a minute longer. They had us sign papers, I got Baby S and myself dressed as fast as I could. It felt like forever waiting for the nurse to come back so we could leave. It kind of felt surreal this time to be walking out the door with my baby in the car seat this time. Felt surreal to know that night I would be sleeping in my own bed with my baby in the bassinet right next to me. No long nights worrying about a baby in the NICU. No, what felt like long drives back and forth to hospital to watch your baby hooked up to monitors. Yes, I still have to be up every few hours to feed him and yes there were many sleepless nights and days. They were very welcomed sleepless nights and days and chaos because I had all my boys by my side.
When we arrived home with Baby S, Little A was still at school, so we had time to get settled in first. On the way home from school, Grandma helped Little A pick out balloons to give to the baby. The baby had bought a special present for his big brother too. Baby S was sitting in his seat and Little A, shyly came over to see what was up. You could tell he was flooded with mixed emotions of excitement and what did we get ourselves into. We didn’t force him to sit down and hold him or even interact with him. We just followed Little A’s cues and let him take his time. We gave him the gift and he was excited for a police car to play with. Then throughout the afternoon he got a bit more interested in the baby. As I was holding him, Little A peered over the couch and said, “I love his ears, they are small like mine”. We smiled and agreed, all the while it broke my heart a bit. Yes, they are small for now, but Baby S won’t need BAHAs and he won’t go through what you have and what you will go through. I was waiting for Little A to ask if Baby S needs BAHAs like him, but it still has not come. The next morning, Little A was finally ready to hold and snuggle his baby brother (see picture below). It just melted my heart to watch Little A throughout that day fall into this big brother role so easily.
Watching Little A the last 6 months grow into a great big brother each day has been amazing. I know they will have a great bond. There are moments when he struggles because mama can only do so much at one time. There have been tears and yelling when I can’t drop what I am doing in the exact moment Little A wants and my own tears when I feel like I am failing both boys. There have also been smiles and feelings of pride from Little A and myself when I feel like supermom. Sometimes if I am cooking dinner, putting away laundry or just busy with another household task, Little A will run over to Baby S to hug him, play with him or simply plug him up with a binky. Little A loves to hold him and tries to carry him (with support from adults right now). Six months later and he still loves to have his brother come along to drop him off at the bus stop or come with mama to get his brother from daycare. Little A climbs in the crib in the mornings to sing and hang out with his brother. You can just feel the love.
